you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
