Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
