quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
