Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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