dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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