My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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