ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
