She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
