They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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