I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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