I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
