Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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