I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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