Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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