Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?