If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.