Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
