my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg the world wants us to be better people