Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.

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  (312): I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room. http://tfl.nu/qbvq
  Replies (45) Good night (1397) Bad night (4010)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea

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  (608): Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea http://tfl.nu/i55m
  Replies (16) Good night (724) Bad night (5739)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space

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  (703): I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space http://tfl.nu/29mq
  Replies (27) Good night (4654) Bad night (580)
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  (310): View more from California

  something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up

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  (310): something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up http://tfl.nu/bg0v
  Replies (52) Good night (609) Bad night (4899)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.

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  (860): he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious. http://tfl.nu/rnvz
  Replies (50) Good night (996) Bad night (11783)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.

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  (727): and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go. http://tfl.nu/b20y
  Replies (37) Good night (10131) Bad night (1233)
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  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7913) Bad night (830)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

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  (816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00
  Replies (35) Good night (1281) Bad night (13944)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

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  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (10617) Bad night (1213)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.

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  (208): Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad. http://tfl.nu/m330
  Replies (26) Good night (931) Bad night (6455)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants

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  (903): So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants http://tfl.nu/066x
  Replies (12) Good night (3204) Bad night (1159)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?

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  (330): Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch? http://tfl.nu/ae8u
  Replies (6) Good night (3154) Bad night (959)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms

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  (508): I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms http://tfl.nu/pddu
  Replies (6) Good night (2938) Bad night (860)
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  (818): View more from California

  Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.

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  (818): Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle. http://tfl.nu/73xi
  Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (321)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just high enough for therapy.

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  (301): Just high enough for therapy. http://tfl.nu/lxm5
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (510)

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