do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.