Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.

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  (256): I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting. http://tfl.nu/bt6j
  Replies (21) Good night (4141) Bad night (810)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.

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  (404): So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night. http://tfl.nu/skws
  Replies (14) Good night (4906) Bad night (683)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop

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  (412): dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop http://tfl.nu/q8xc
  Replies (18) Good night (6787) Bad night (761)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.

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  (516): and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars. http://tfl.nu/d908
  Replies (13) Good night (5666) Bad night (1281)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight

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  (267): I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight http://tfl.nu/859p
  Replies (10) Good night (4216) Bad night (1077)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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  (386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl
  Replies (1) Good night (1456) Bad night (1310)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.

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  (501): My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success. http://tfl.nu/qdpi
  Replies (8) Good night (722) Bad night (979)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?

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  (845): Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident? http://tfl.nu/4pg6
  Replies (1) Good night (885) Bad night (656)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.

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  (734): Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go. http://tfl.nu/sxv0
  Replies (7) Good night (1138) Bad night (551)
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  (323): View more from California

  Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend

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  (323): Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend http://tfl.nu/fcuo
  Replies (3) Good night (806) Bad night (469)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We were destined to go to rehab together

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  (405): We were destined to go to rehab together http://tfl.nu/ewf5
  Replies (4) Good night (678) Bad night (473)
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  (527): View more from

  I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.

  (1-527): View more from

  Top night. Top night.

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  (527): I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered. (1-527): Top night. Top night. http://tfl.nu/68t6
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (674)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.

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  (740): I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes. http://tfl.nu/v5b0
  Replies (4) Good night (913) Bad night (498)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.

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  (360): No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day. (1-360): You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide. http://tfl.nu/twrd
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (391)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?

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  (217): I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been? http://tfl.nu/gh9w
  Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (232)

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