I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
