My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
