I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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