she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
