Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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