the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
