Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
