just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize