Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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