i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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