Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
MIDGETS
????
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
