im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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