I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
