i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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