New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize