She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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