You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dear god my vagina.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
