I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
