I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
