feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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