Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it because I queefed?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
