I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
