And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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