u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
