Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
