A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
