Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
