where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
