i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
