I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize