literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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