I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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