he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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