You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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