it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.