I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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