cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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