so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
