I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
