Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
