good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
