I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
