I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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