I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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