Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My feet surprised me
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