Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
