I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
