i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
