I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
