I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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