How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize