Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
