Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
