Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
