Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
