dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So vagazzling was a success
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
