I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your penis caused this!
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