dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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