i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
