he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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