i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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