Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
