is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
