we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
