never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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