i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
